According to contemporary family theory late modern relationships are guided less be external norms and more by internal negotiation between relatively equal partners. The purpose of this paper is to study initiation and development of new intimate relationships in later life, with a focus on negotiation and change, based on relationship histories with older Swedes (n=28), who are currently in new late in life cross-gender relationships initiated 60+, or currently dating singles. The results show a paradox: relationship ideals often seem unchangeable in prospect, but actual relationship arrangements appear open and changeable, when described in retrospect. LATs recall having been determined not to initiate any new relationships, cohabitants to retain their own home, remarried informants never to marry again. The analysis focuses the negotiations leading to relationship change. We discuss and question prevailing implicit assumptions about older people’s relationships as non-negotiated and unchangeable.